Harry Potter Meets Satan
by joolay
Summary: This is a story about Harry and Lucifer's crazy adventures. Satan turns Harry EVIL and they become good buds. What will Ron and Hermione think?
1. In the Garden Subtitle: Vasoline

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Satan. Muah ha ha. I wish! They are BOTH sexy beasts! ._.  
  
Harry was outside his home on 24th Street in London. He was nineteen and glad to be on his own, away from the DURSLEYS!   
  
Harry stood in his backyard, which was adorned with trees, flowers, and shrubbery. It was quite beautiful, very peaceful. He sighed and took in a deep breath, inhaling the summery sweet scent of the flower garden. All was quite, except for a few robins chirping in a tree. He smiled. All was perfect in his life. But not for long.   
  
[A/N: muah ha ha]  
  
Little did Harry Penelope Potter know, that someone was watching him in a bush, three feet away. It wasn't a stalker, it wasn't one of his friends, it wasn't the horny mailman holding a jar of vasoline and doing naughty things whilst watching him, ....it was the Devil.  
  
Yes, the Devil. I'm writing this, you fool-hardy pastry!  
  
Harry turned on his heel, and walked over to his water fountain that stood grandly in the middle of the garden. It was a dolphin gushing water out of it's blow hole. Harry sat down on the edge, and made ripples in the water with his hand.   
  
So peaceful!  
  
So quiet!  
  
So perfect!  
  
So boring!!!  
  
Harry sighed, and looked about, his eyes passing over the bush in which Satan was squatted, and he sat back. He missed Hogwarts. That was his real home. But now that he was grown up, he didn't get to see his friends anymore.   
  
He heard a rustle.  
  
What was that? Harry stood up, staring at the bush which had just moved. He hesitated, then called.  
  
"Who's there?" There was no answer. Harry took a step towards it. The bush stopped moving.  
  
"Someone in there?" He called again, listening closely.   
  
No answer.  
  
Harry finally got up ands walked over to the thick green shrubbery. He brushed some leaves away, and peered inside. There was nothing there, but an open jar of vasoline.  
  
[A/N: Hehe! I can't wait to write more! I love this fic! I think it's the only one of its kind! Muah ha ha! +hugs her ficcy+ Please review!..Julie] 


	2. Camera Men fleeing ST: Glass Breaking

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter OR Satan Lucifer Jr. the 3rd. Only in my night mares.  
  
A/N: Yay! The first 30 minutes my story was up I got 4 reviews! That's awesome! Thanks, guys! +glares at the person who flamed me out just cause I put an author's note in there+ YOU SUCK! Anyways.....  
  
Harry had trudged back into his house, leaving the jar of vasoline where it was. He was too scared to touch it.   
  
Harry sat down in an armchair in the den, clothed in his finest burgundy robe that had a large "H" on the front. He sat staring at the crackling fireplace.  
  
His house was so large, so ENORMOUS, that even in the extreme stillness of his den, he had not heard the disco music coming from his attic.  
  
~The attic~ +camera zooms in, slowly entering the attic room+  
  
In the shadows of the inky black darkness, stood the outline of a man by the attic window. At least, he resembled a man.  
  
There was mexican disco music blaring from nowhere in particular, and he was shaking his bottom ever so slightly.  
  
It was Satan.  
  
( +The camera man screams in terror, and races downstairs+)  
  
Harry looked up, as a man carrying a camera streaked past him screaming.  
  
"What the freaker?" Harry stood up, and walked to his kitchen to get a beer. That was just too weird. Maybe the vasoline belonged to the man with the video equipment?   
  
Harry grabbed a Bud Light, and chugged it down. He wished something exciting would happen. Little did he know, that there was something happening upstairs in his attic. Maybe it wasn't exciting, but it was definitely SOMETHING.   
  
~Back in the Attic~  
  
Satan continues to shake his groove thing, now dancing to Celine Dion music.   
  
"My-eeyiy-eeeyyyy, heart will go ooon-neeon!" He sang in a high pitched shrill voice that could break glass. As a matter of fact, it did.  
  
~Back in the kitchen~  
  
Harry jumped back in terror as in the middle of pouring his beer into a glass, it cracked down the middle, and shattered all over the counter. He stood there for a minute, then made up his mind.  
  
Something wasn't right.  
  
He even remembered how last night, he had heard faint singing coming from his shower that he KNEW wasn't his. Someone had been in the shower with him. He just knew it, and now it was all clear to him.  
  
Someone else was in this house.  
  
The thought sent chillls down his spine, and he ran upstairs to his room and locked the door. He leapt to his flowery print bed, buried himself deep in the covers, and began to weep.  
  
It was quiet for a few minutes. Harry wasn't sure if he should come out or not, until he knew that he wasn't alone in the bed.  
  
"Hullo, angel." Said a shrill voice.  
  
* 


	3. Tryin to Escape ST: The News

Disclaimer: I own both Harry Potter AND Satan. They are my slaves, and I make them watch workout videos and scrub my feet with their tongues. O_o  
  
Where I left you off at: Someone else was in this house.  
  
The thought sent chills down his spine, and he ran upstairs to his room and locked the door. He leapt to his flowery print bed, buried himself deep in the covers, and began to weep.  
  
It was quiet for a few minutes. Harry wasn't sure if he should come out or not, until he knew that he wasn't alone in the bed.  
  
"Hullo, angel." Said a shrill voice.  
  
*  
  
Harry jumped and flung the covers away, now totally out in the open on his bed. He screamed as his eyes feel upon a figure sitting the the foot of his bed, wearing nothing but a big, creepy smile on their face.  
  
"Who the freak are you?" Harry asked shakily, scooting away.  
  
The figure wasn't any human he had ever seen. They had a black goatee, horns, hooves on the bottom of their feet which they had crossed, and jagged teeth. There was also a tail with a hook on the end. Where had he seen all this before? He knew somehow, that he knew this person.  
  
"I'm the Lord of Darkness, the King of Death. You can call me"- The stranger was cut off.  
  
"You're the grim reaper! That's where I've seen you before!" Harry slapped his self on the fore head and laughed. "I'm such a retard."   
  
Satan just satred at him.  
  
"Okay? So you're Ozzy Osbourne?"  
  
"Actually, I'm the Devil. But I just want you to call me Lucifer." Harry stared at him, his mouth frozen wide.  
  
"You're, you..." Harry couldn't finish. He turned and leapt off the bed, flinging himself down the staircase, but as he reached the bottom, the Devil was standing there waiting for him.  
  
"Hullo, Harry. You can't hide from me. I'm everywhere." He started running his hands down his goatee, smiling evilly. Harry stood there, a look of fear and confusion stamped on his face.   
  
"Everywhere? You mean, you see me ALL the time?" Harry asked, remembering how he had not felt alone in the shower. Satan nodded.  
  
"My dearest Harry, I have been watching you. The reason I am here, well, I've been trying to find the lucky candidate to take back with me to my UnderWorld. Congratulations! You've won a 2 week vacation to the lovely town of Hell!" Satan chimed, dancing happily upon his hooves. Harry blinked.  
  
"What? I, I never wanted to go to hell! I didn't even think it existed!" Just as Harry said this, Satan gasped. It must not have been the right thing to say. He stepped over to Harry, his fists balled up at his sides.  
  
"Harry. Potter. I give you the opportunity of a life time, and you turn it down. I need you back there with me! Do you know how lonely it gets, sitting in my darkened castle, day after day with no one to talk to? Believe me. You MUST come back with me." Satan gave Harry an evil look, and bared his teeth. Harry gulped.  
  
"Under one condition?" He asked, nervously twitchy. Satan shrugged.   
  
"Okay, what's your condition?"  
  
"Only if you let me bring my friends along." Satan thought for a moment, then stuck his hand out for a shake. Harry shook it.  
  
"Deal, kiddo."  
  
Satan laughed to himself. This was great.  
  
Four souls for the price of one!  
  
*  
  
Harry called up Ron later that day to tell him the news.  
  
"You're going to hell."  
  
"Fuck you!" And Ron hung up.  
  
Harry gave up on Ron for the time being, and decided to call Hermione. He cleared his throat as she answered.  
  
"Yes? This is the Granger residence."  
  
"Herms? You're going to hell with me."  
  
There was a long silence.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
And she hung up.  
  
* 


	4. Lucifer describing, ST: His crush

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Satan. Because my mom said we can't get any more pets! +pout+ +throws a tantrum+ But, Harry can stay in MY room! O.o  
  
Where I left you off at: Harry had just found out the news, and he had tried calling his friends about it.  
  
*  
  
Harry and Satan set alone in the den, listening boredly to the clock ticking. It was about midnight, and they both looked terribly sleepy.  
  
Soon, the clock chimed, and Satan yawned and sat up in his chair. He stared at Harry.  
  
"So, when are you going to call your little friends again?" Harry sighed deeply.  
  
"Not anymore tonight. I guess I need to go about a better way of telling them. Clearly 'You're going to hell.' Isn't working." Harry mumbled, sitting up in his chair as well.   
  
They sat there for a few minutes longer in silence, just staring at each other. Harry, as weird as it was, actually didn't mind the Father of Hell in his den. It sort of felt pretty normal.  
  
Satan, on the other hand, LOVED being in his den. He was tired of watching Harry through fences or bushes, or trying to get a peek through the shower curtain when he was showering. Now he could just stare as he pleased.  
  
In reality, Satan thought Harry was a Sex God.  
  
He stared at Harry's muscles, outlined in shadows of the fire-lit room. The light from the flames danced in his pitch-black hair. And even in the darkness, Harry's blue eyes shone bright as search lights.  
  
"Lucifer? I asked you a question." This shattered Satan's thoughts.  
  
"What? Sorry, I was out of it for a minute there. Ask me again." Satan sat up straight, smiling happily at Harry. Harry cleared his throat.  
  
"Why did you choose ME?"  
  
Satan hadn't thought about how he'd explain that one to him.  
  
"Well, it's quite obvious. You, you're a celebrity, and, you're famous. And everyone in hell wants to meet you." Harry guffawed.  
  
"But then you could've got Nicholas Cage, or, or, Madonna! Why ME? I'm nothing special." Harry was standing up now, pacing the room. Satan gulped.  
  
"Because you are one of the hottest celebrities I've ever seen. No Madonna for me, thanks." He thought to himself.  
  
"Can I just call you Lucy?" Harry suddenly asked, again breaking the silence and Satan's thoughts. Satan raised a heavily penciled eyebrow.  
  
"Er, just keep it at Lucifer. Call me Lou sometimes, but right now, just, just Lucifer." Satan stood up now, facing Harry.  
  
"I can't wait for you to come back to the UnderGround with me." He said excitedly to Harry, who didn't look quite as excited as he was.  
  
"Tell me, what's it like?" Harry asked, glancing at the clock. They had been talking for fifteen minutes. Satan shrugged.  
  
"Sort of like a city. A big, dark, nightly city. There are no stars, just a few moons. In the middle of the city, is a huge fire pit. That's where we burn people that were sent down to us for being bad. You know, instead of going up to that place they call Heaven." He shuddered at that word. Harry poked him in the arm.  
  
"Do keep going. I want to hear more." He whined. Satan cleared his throat and continued.   
  
"Well, er, there are demons.   
  
Everywhere.  
  
You're ganna love them. Feisty little things, they are. And there are ghosts, and spirits, and basically dead people walking about.  
  
And then, on the top of a jagged, rotting hill, lies the most glorious site of all. My manor." Satan shivered, and smiled to himself happily. Harry gulped.  
  
"I would guess that's where I'm staying?" He asked, still watching Satan do the happy dance. Satan stopped.  
  
"But of course! You, as my guest, get the best of the best. You get extra fine treatment." Satan glanced at Harry's crotch, smiled even wider, and said, "Yes. The finest treatment for Harry Potter."   
  
*  
  
[AN: Please review and tell me what you think about this story! I really want to write more, but I need reviews! Also, I would gladly accept any ideas you have for when Harry and Satan travel to hell. What should happen down there? And for those who are wondering: Yes, I am a Christian and believe in God. I just like death and stuff for some odd reason. Bye! Til next time..Julie O_o ] 


	5. Harry realizing, ST: Hands in pants

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but Harry Potter owns Satan and keeps him in a Mason Jar under his bed, and Satan owns a piece of string, and the piece of string owns Martha Stewart, and Martha Stewart owns nothing anymore because she is in jail, and Satan also owns her, because she is evil and possessed by him. takes breath Phew!  
  
Where I left you off at: Satan has yet to reveal his feelings for Harry. The two had a lovely chat about hell, and Harry still has to tell his friends the great news. Okay, enjoy!  
  
Harry sat at the kitchen table chewing on a piece of buttered toast, as Satan stood at the stove wearing an apron. He was frying eggs. The smell of food wafted through the open kitchen, and birds chirped merrily from outside the open windows.  
  
It was a wide, white, friendly place. Quite a large cooking place for someone who never cooks. +cough+ Harry +cough+ The windows were stain-glass, and the counter tops were marble.  
  
Satan gathered up some egg in a spatula, slid it onto Harry's plate, and brought it over, sitting it down in front of him. Harry licked his lips.  
  
"You'll need this, my dear." Satan said seductively, tying a baby bib onto his neck. Harry smiled at him nervously.  
  
"Yeah, thanks Lucy."  
  
He dug in.  
  
Satan had never seen someone eat with so much enthusiasm, so much speed, so much fury! So much PASSION!   
  
It was turning Satan on.  
  
"God, look how the food is splattering all down his bib, all over his face. I'd kill to lick that off right now, right off his scrumptious body. With my tongue all over him..all over his neck..."-  
  
"Can I have some orange juice?" A voice interrupted the horny thoughts of the Devil. Satan stared at him, and shrugged.  
  
"As you wish."  
  
--------Later that day----  
  
It was around two o'clock in the afternoon. Satan and Harry sat in the garden on a checkered picnic blanket. They were sipping on glasses of lemonade, which tasted like heaven on a hot summer day like this.  
  
Flowers and shrubbery and tress crowded around them, and bees buzzed happily about, minding their own business.   
  
"You think this is beautiful? Wait until your eyes feast upon MY world. It's the most wonderful place there ever was." Satan rolled over onto his back, letting a friendly breeze ruffle his goatee. Harry's hair lifted up into the air gently, and fluffed about.  
  
"Whatever. Look at the clouds." Harry laid back as well, and Satan took a delight that Harry was actually LAYING with him.  
  
"Erm, you mean those dandruffy white balls of shit? They remind me of sperm when it clots."  
  
Harry sat up.  
  
"Um, okay forget about that. Let's do something else." Harry was suddenly feeling quite uncomfortable. Was it the fact that Satan thought clouds resembled sperm, or the fact that he was beginning to think that Satan was gay?  
  
They sat in silence for a moment, listening to birds chirp and the busy him of bees.  
  
"My penis is sore from laying. Don't mind me while I massage it for a bit." Satan suddenly stated, and put his hand down his pants.  
  
"Oh my freakin God. Satan's jacking off to me?" Harry thought, and scooted away. He knew for sure now, he had made up his mind, he couldn't go to hell with Satan, not now.   
  
Sure, it was possible that he COULD be massaging himself, but..Oh fuck it, he was totally jacking off. +cringe+  
  
*  
  
[A/N: Hope you like the story so far. Though I'm surprised hardly anyone has reviewed yet. Please review! Good or bad, you can flame! Just don't tell me it utterly and completely sucks. I also need ideas for the story. Lol! Review! Tootles!...Julie] 


	6. Football, ST: More Phone calls

Disclaimer: I do not own my mama's monster-truck size panties, I do not own the Olive Garden, I do not own Rion Vernon, or the TellyTubbies, or Ronald Reagan, or my orthodontist, or the sexy whale-trainer at SeaWorld in that tight rubber suit; I own nothing..but...my high cholesterol from eating too much junk food. +crams some chips into her mouth+  
  
Where I left you off at: Harry had a sinking suspicion that Satan is gay, Satan and Harry were having a picnic, and Harry had second thoughts about going to hell with the Father of the UnderWorld.  
  
Today, the odd pair of Harry and Lucifer Pansy Norwhich the 3rd, were in the den watching Sunday Night Football.  
  
"Oh come on, you bitches! Catch the freakin ball, Marino!" Satan was standing up on his hooves, stamping the floor and on the verge of tears. Harry was sitting calmly in his chair, sipping some hot chocolate that Satan had fixed for him earlier.  
  
"Damn it! Only one more yard to go, and the bastards fumbled the ball!" Satan roared like a rabid rhinoceros, and threw his hands up in the air. "I hereby now curse the Miama Dolphins, so they shall never make it to the SuperBowl again!" And if Satan said so, it would be done.  
  
Harry shook his head. "I can't believe you just did that to my favorite team." He sat up straighter in the chair, and sat his mug aside on the coffee table. Satan turned to Harry, his red face a shade of purple.  
  
"The bitches can't even catch the football if it's right in front of their faces!" Satan was yanking at his goatee with his hand. He pulled his fingers away, revealing a fistful of hair.   
  
Harry grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. The screen went black with a "click". Satan pouted.  
  
"Why did you do that? I was watching the game!" Harry sighed.  
  
"I know, and you were getting too worked up over it." He stood up, and headed to the kitchen. Satan chased after him.  
  
"Oh come on, let me watch the last three seconds, man!"   
  
Harry calmly got some bread from the pantry, and started to spread some peanut butter on it with a spoon. Satan watched him, his breath heavy.  
  
"No, Lucy. No more football for you tonight." He put the spoon in the sink, and headed to the fridge to fetch some jelly.  
  
Satan sighed heavily, his head low, and he sat down at the kitchen table. Harry finished making the sandwich, and sat it on a plate. He carried it to Lucifer and sat it down at the table in front of him.  
  
"Thanks." Satan said silently, taking a bite. Harry stared at him, and sat down at the table beside him. He had a phone in his hands.  
  
"What's that for?" Satan asked, a mouthful of peanutbutter.  
  
"I'm going to try and call Ron and Hermione, and tell them to meet up with me someplace so we can go over this whole "going to hell" thing." Harry started dialing up a number. Satan watched him curiously, chewing on the sandwich.  
  
Harry put the phone up to his ear. It rang a few times, then someone picked up.  
  
"Hello?" Said a voice. It was Hermione, and she was breathing heavy.  
  
"Er, Herms? What are you doing?" Harry asked. Hermione made a 'phew' noise and continued breathing and panting.  
  
"I'm watching a workout video." In the background, Harry could hear a faint "Now ladies, squeeze those glutes, and kick!"  
  
"Uh, Hermione, I was wondering if you could"-  
  
The phone went silent. Then she came back.  
  
"Sorry, Harry. Dropped the phone while I was kicking."   
  
"Um, well can you meet me sometime tomorrow at that little coffee shop down the street?"   
  
"I guess. Is Ron coming?"  
  
"Yeah, I have to call him next." Harry watched as Satan had finished with the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and was licking the plate.  
  
"Okay, Harry. I'll tr- Ow! Cramp!"  
  
Harry hung up. Satan took the plate to the sink.  
  
"So, any luck?" He asked, rinsing it with water.  
  
"Yeah, Herms is going to meet me. I just have to call Ron next." 


	7. Calling Ron, ST: bedroom

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Da Devil. You should know that by now. The only way I could own Satan is if I am some kind of Demon Thingie. But I'm not so I don't.   
  
Where I left you off at: Harry had called Hermione to get her to meet him at a coffee place, and he still had to call Ron. Satan and Harry were in the kitchen.  
  
Satan had finished rinsing off the dishes, and came to take a seat by Harry at the table. Harry was dialing Ron's number.  
  
He put the phone to his ear, and waited. There was a long pause.  
  
"Hello?" Said a voice. Harry didn't recognize it.  
  
"Uh, yeah is Ron home?" Harry asked, glancing at Satan. Satan was sniffing the air, and his eyes were crossed. Harry ignored him.  
  
"He's in the den. Let me fetch him." It was a female voice. Harry waited a bit, then Ron got on the phone.  
  
"Yeah, this is Ron."  
  
"Hey, it's me." Harry stated, crossing his legs, because Satan had been staring at his crotch, and it had been making him very uncomfortable.  
  
"Harry?" Ron said, sounding surprised.  
  
"Yeah. Who was the woman who picked up your phone?"  
  
"That was either Ginny, because I'm staying at her house, or Ginny's daughter." Harry licked his lips.  
  
"Ginny is married?" There was another long pause.  
  
"No, not married. Raped." More long pausing.  
  
"So sorry to hear that." Harry said quietly, uncrossing his legs.  
  
"Yeah, whatever. That was like three years ago. It was probably Ginny then. Lacey's not even aloud to pick up the phone. She's only four."  
  
"Oh, well, uh Ron..I need to talk to you." Harry was sounding rather shaky and nervous, afraid that Ron would say he has better things to do than meet up with his old pals at a coffee shop.  
  
"Okay, shoot." Ron was watching the football game. Harry could hear it in the background. "Not now, Lacey. Uncle Ron is on the phone."   
  
"Uh, I can't talk to you now. It has to be in person. I was thinking you, me and Hermione could all meet up at that little place down the street, called 'Shelly's' or whatever."   
  
"Okay Harry. That sounds great. Is it okay if I bring Lacey along? She's dying to meet you." Ron was laughing, and Harry heard a little girl laugh as well.  
  
"Sure. I'll meet you around ten in the morning."  
  
They said their good-byes, and Harry hung up the phone.  
  
"So, any luck again?" Satan asked, yawning.  
  
"Yeah. I'm meeting them BOTH tomorrow." Harry stood up and headed towards the bathroom downstairs. Satan hurried after him.  
  
"That's awesome. Truly smashing." Satan followed him into the bathroom.  
  
Harry stopped at the raised toilet seat, and feeling as if he weren't alone, zipped his fly back up.  
  
"I can do this myself, thanks." Harry said irritably, as Satan made no intention of leaving or moving from his spot in the doorway.  
  
"Well, I have to go too." Satan walked over next to Harry at the toilet, unzipped his fly, and dropped his pants.  
  
Harry grew very red in the face, as he stared at the pants around Satan's ankles.  
  
"Um, do you mind if"-  
  
It was too late, Satan had already began to pee.  
  
Harry, feeling rather uncomfortable, unzipped his fly as well, and the two men peed in the toilet.  
  
Satan was rather enjoying it, trying to get peeks at Harry's willy.  
  
Harry shook, zipped up his pants as fast as his fingers could, and hurried out of the bathroom. He practically ran to his room, sweaty and embarrassed.  
  
Harry shut the door behind him, and turned to his room. On his bed, Satan was waiting for him.  
  
"I told you Harry. You can't hide from me. I'm everywhere." Satan patted the bed for Harry to join him, and Harry gulped. He turned and tried the doorknob, but it was locked. Harry jiggled it angrily, and his heart was beating incredibly fast.  
  
"Harry? Aren't you tired? You should take a nap." Satan scooted over and made room for him. Harry, knowing that he had no choice, walked over and sat on the bed.  
  
Harry held his breath, hoping nothing would happen. Suddenly, Satan snapped and the lights went out.  
  
"That was nifty. How you didn't even have to use the light switch and all." Harry said, trying to break the uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Yes, I can do many nifty things. Care to see a few of them?" Satan pushed Harry down at his side into the pillow. Harry gulped.  
  
"That's okay. I think I'll just go to sleep"-  
  
With another snap of Satan's fingers, music started playing from nowhere.  
  
"Let's get it on..  
  
Oh, baby!  
  
Let's get it on.." The music kept going.  
  
Satan sat up in the bed, and spraddled his legs over Harry, his hooves dug deep into the sheets. Harry was squirming.  
  
Satan started slowly unbuttoning Harry's shirt, and Harry cried out for help.  
  
"Get off of me!" Harry whined, kicking. Satan laughed.  
  
"You know you want it." He slid Harry's shirt off his broad chest, and threw it to the floor. Satan then began rubbing his hands all over Harry's chest, over his abs and nipples, and rubbing his muscular arms.  
  
Harry screamed as it went on, and later on, bed squeaking could be heard coming from the bedroom. 


	8. The Diner, ST: Hailee

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Satan, thus labeling myself poor and too young to get any of MY OWN stories published.  
  
Where I left you off at: Do I really have to say? That's one thing I really don't want to recap, thanks.  
  
The readers BITCH and WHINE, but eventually give IN for Julie is the MASTER of this fic. MUAH. +evil cackle+  
  
Harry awoke the next morning in his bed. ALONE.  
  
He breathed a sigh of relief, glad he didn't have to face Lucifer after what happened last night.  
  
"Maybe I should just stay in bed all day." He thought to himself, but quickly his memory caught up with him.  
  
"Crap! I have to meet Ron and Hermione today." Harry glanced at the clock. It was around 12 noon.  
  
"Wow, I slept a long time." He sat up in bed, then realizing he was naked, he laid back down again.  
  
He didn't want to think about what had happened last night. But, he had to face the facts:  
  
He had been raped by the Devil.  
  
The thought sent chills running down his bare back, and he swallowed hard. Soon, there was a knock on the bedroom door, and Harry jumped.   
  
"Come in." He croaked, his voice scratchy.  
  
Satan walked in with a tray of food, and sat down on the bed beside Harry.  
  
"Breakfast." Satan chimed, placing the tray on Harry's lap. Harry stared at the eggs and toast, to sick to eat anything.  
  
"Eat, little one. You need your energy for today. You have to meet Hermione and Ron in an hour." Satan scooped up a fork full of egg, and shoved it into Harry's mouth. Harry chewed slowly, and as he swallowed, the eggs tasted sour and stuck to his throat.  
  
*  
  
An hour later, Harry had gotten dressed and hurried outside. He decided not to drive, as the coffee diner was only a few blocks away, and he needed to sort some things out in his head.  
  
Harry walked down the long, gray sidewalk that never seemed to end. And everything looked the same as he passed it:  
  
Cold and baron. Graffiti and garbage, prostitutes standing on every corner beckoning Harry to them, but Harry avoided their dark eyes.  
  
He needed to think about this hell thing. He didn't want to go, he knew for sure. Then why not just tell Satan that? If he knew one hundred percent that he didn't want to go, then what was holding him back?  
  
Satan's actions. What would he do to poor Harry if he brought up such a topic in conversation? Harry knew one thing: He hoped it wouldn't be anything worse than what had happened in the bed last night.   
  
Harry rounded the corner, past an old, dying oak tree, and the coffee diner came into view.  
  
It was small and welcoming. A nice little place for a town such as this one to have. Flowers were potted along the diner's sidewalk, and chairs were out on the diner's front. Two old men were rocking in them, merrily chatting about the day, and reading the morning paper.  
  
Harry stepped up to the door, and as he opened it, it made a bell sound. Harry spotted Hermione and Ron near the back, and he took a deep breath.  
  
Okay, these are your best friends. Sure, you haven't seen them in years, but they are still the same, right?  
  
He smiled and walked over, his hands in his pockets. Hermione was the first to look up and see him.  
  
"Harry!" She cried, jumping up from her seat and embracing him. Harry suddenly felt okay in the world, as her soft brown hair brushed his cheek. They hugged for a beautiful moment, then she let go to let Ron have his turn.  
  
Instead of a hug, and the fact that both boys had grown into men, Ron shook Harry's hand firmly, a large smile plastered on his freckled face.  
  
The three friends took their seats, and Hermione was the first to speak up.  
  
"Oh Harry. You HAVE to tell us how you are doing, and what's up with your life." She folded her arms, and still smiling, kept her eyes on his.  
  
Harry quickly took notice of how much she had changed. Her hair was cut in a shaggy haircut, framing her face. It had red streaks in it, and her eyes were heavily penciled with eyeliner. She was wearing a black t-shirt with cuts here and there, and a choker around her neck. She much resembled a rocker, and Harry knew that this must be some sort of rebellious stage.  
  
"Er, well." Harry didn't know exactly how to explain how his life was. How could he possibly state that he had been raped by one of the most feared demons in the entire Bible?  
  
Hermione narrowed her heavily darkened eyes. "Are you drinking?"  
  
Harry made a face. "No!" Hermione shrugged, and flipped through her menu, her chain bracelets sliding on the table.  
  
"So, Harry. Tell us, how are you? Where are you working at? Is there someone special you are seeing?" Ron sat up in his chair, looking much like a professional businessman. And that's what he was. Ron now worked as a lawyer, and worked part time as a manager for a popular department store in London.  
  
Harry sighed. "I don't have a job, I don't have a girlfriend, and I am having a lousy life." Hermione stared at him from over her menu.  
  
"I thought you were living in that huge four story home on Burbidge Park Road." She put the menu down and studied him closely.  
  
"I am, but you don't have to be living in this colossal mansion to be happy. It's boring! That's what it is..boring." Harry made a sound of frustration, and Ron and Hermione exchanged worried looks.  
  
"Harry, I don't get it. You have everything you could possibly ask for. And you don't even have to work for it all. You have all this money, for what? Sitting on your ass in front of the T.V all day?" Harry could tell Ron was trying to hold back his anger. Because, the truth was, Ron was always a step behind harry. Everything HE had, he had to work hard for. But what did Harry have to do? Nothing.  
  
Hermione put a hand on Ron's arm. "There, there. At least you HAVE a job. You are a professional lawyer, and you get lots of money from it." She then turned to harry. "No offense, of course." Harry shrugged.  
  
Ron turned and looked out the window. The wind rustled leaves across the road outside, and he pretended to be interested in it.  
  
"Where's Lacey?" Harry asked, suddenly remembering that she should be here with them. Hermione could tell that Ron had no intention of answering Harry, so she answered for him.  
  
"Lacey is sick, and she couldn't make it. It's just a slight cold." Hermione added quickly, as Harry began to look worried. Harry nodded, smiled, and picked up his menu.  
  
He had already had breakfast this morning, but he always ate when he was nervous. He motioned for a waitress, and sat the menu down, sure of what he wanted to order.  
  
The waitress walked over. She was a cute girl. She had freckles, a cute upturned nose, green eyes, and brown hair that she had pulled back in a messy ponytail. It seemed as if she cared nothing about her appearance. Harry smiled at her.  
  
"My name's Hailee. I'll be your server today. So what will it be?" She was holding a little pen and notebook, and waited patiently, the pen on the paper, but not going anywhere.  
  
"I'll have the pancake special, and some orange juice, please." Ron said, now not focused on the leaves, but the cute waitress that had just arrived.  
  
Hermione gave Ron a pathetic look, then she turned to Hailee. "Yes, I'll have number five, some biscuits, and a glass of orange juice as well, please." Hailee nodded, scribbling away.  
  
"And I'll have a pecan waffle with maple syrup." Harry stated boredly, locked into Hailee's pretty green eyes. Hailee stared at him.  
  
"Are you sure? You don't want anything else?" She raised an eyebrow.  
  
"That's okay, I don't feel like eating a big meal today." Hailee shrugged, picked up their menus, and left.  
  
Ron watched her go. "She was adorable." Hermione jabbed him in the arm with her elbow.  
  
Harry didn't say anything, afraid that Hermione would give him the evil eye.   
  
Once their food arrived, Harry knew it was time to bring up the whole reason he was here. As Ron and Hermione were focused on feeding their faces, he cleared his throat and began.  
  
"Um, time for the reason I asked both of you to meet me here."   
  
Hermione dropped her fork, and looked up at Harry with a mouthful of bacon. She swallowed hard, and wiped at her mouth with her napkin. Ron looked up as well, and now both friends were staring at Harry, and focused on what he was about to say.  
  
Harry cleared his throat once more, and licked his lips.  
  
"Well, you see...Uh." He couldn't bring himself to do it.  
  
Ron scowled. "You brought us here today, made us take time off our busy schedules, just so we could here you say the word 'Uh'?" Harry shook his head nervously.  
  
"No, no. I can tell you." He took a deep breath.  
  
"We're waiting." Ron said impatiently, but Hermione took Harry's hand gently, and smiled at him.  
  
"You can tell us Harry. You can tell us anything. We're your friends." She squeezed his hand once more, then let go and sat back in her seat.  
  
"You won't believe me, okay? That's why I can't tell you."  
  
Hermione and Ron exchanged glances once again, and Harry wished they would stop doing that.  
  
"Of course we will, Harry. We know you won't lie." Hermione made a pouty face, and batted her extremely mascara-ed eyes. Harry took a deep breath.  
  
"The Devil is staying with me at my house. And he is taking us three to the UnderWorld to stay with him."  
  
Ron and Hermione just stared at him. Hermione scowled.   
  
"Now don't lie, Harry." How ironic, as she had just said that he never did.   
  
"I had an important meeting today, and you made me miss it for that load of bull shit?" Ron gathered up his briefcase, and stood up to leave.  
  
"Wait! I am telling the truth! Don't go yet, please!" But Ron ignored Harry, tossed his tip onto the table, and walked out the door.  
  
Now only Harry and Hermione were left, and Hermione didn't look as cheerful and merry as she had when Harry had first arrived.  
  
"You believe me, don't you?" Harry asked pleadingly, his hands folded in front of him, sort of resembling prayer.  
  
Hermione just stared at him.  
  
Harry let out another sound of frustration. "Grr! You know what? Fine. I knew this would happen. I thought of all people, at least you would believe me. But I guess even I can't trust you anymore to always be there for me." Harry began to get up, but Hermione put a hand out on his arm to stop him. She stared at him through big brown eyes, then sighed.  
  
"I believe you, harry."  
  
Harry sat back down.  
  
"You do?" He couldn't believe his ears.  
  
"Yes, I've seen the Devil. I've met him before, just like you have." She was moving in her seat uncomfortably.  
  
Harry raised his eyebrows. "What?"  
  
"Well, it was this morning. He came to talk to me personally about this whole thing. He knew we'd never believe you if you told us. I guess, obviously, he hasn't gotten to Ron yet." Hermione shook her head and laughed. "God, imagine what I felt when I walk into the kitchen, and the Devil is raiding my fridge." She stopped to laugh again. "Maybe I'm crazy."  
  
Harry was astonished. "No, you're not crazy. That was really him."  
  
The two sat in awkward silence.  
  
"So are you coming with me?" Harry finally asked, taking her hand in his. Hermione sighed.  
  
"I guess I have no choice. You aren't going through this alone." Harry never felt anymore appreciation to anyone before this moment.  
  
"Oh my god, thanks Herms!" He leaned over the table and kissed her.  
  
Now it was up to Ron.  
  
[A/N: Wow, this was a looong chapter. But I hope you like it. Still, if you have any ideas for this story, I would be grateful to hear them...Julie] 


	9. Ron, ST: Something revealed

Disclaimer: Yo. I don't have a Harry Potter in my possession. If I did, I'd be richer than Belgian Chocolate.  
  
~ the author makes a joke, but no one laughs because they are mad at her ~  
  
The readers: We hate you! How come you made us wait so long for a new chapter?!? I am going to go and toilet paper your dog!  
  
The author: I'm sorry, kids. I have just been really busy lately.  
  
The readers: Bull shit! We don't wanna hear your lame excuses!  
  
The author: Ok, the truth is..I had writer's block. But I'm okay now! I am chock-full of ideas!  
  
The readers: +give in and read the story+  
  
~~  
  
Where I left you off at: Hermione had admitted to Harry that she had met the devil as well. Now they just had to convince Ron.   
  
~~  
  
"Did you talk with your little friends?" Lucifer asked Harry whilst knitting a sweater. Harry sat up on the couch to face him.  
  
"Yeah. Hermione even said that she's met you before. When did you see her?"  
  
"Er, I visited her at her apartment. She has cats."  
  
"I don't care! You don't just sneak into my friend's houses like that and take whatever you wish out of the fridge!" Harry stood up and snatched the sweater away from Lucifer angrily. "And why are you knitting this wretched thing? It looks itchy and horrid!"  
  
"That was a gift for you, love. It's pretty cold in hell, and you'll need it." Lucifer took it back tenderly and began to knit some more. Harry sighed and flopped back down on the couch. Soon, the phone rang. He picked it up.  
  
"Hello?" Harry asked irritably.  
  
"Hi. I need to talk to you." Harry recognized that voice.  
  
"Ron...is it about the hell thing? Because I need to talk to you too."  
  
"Yeah, the hell thing. And I just wanted to say I was sorry."  
  
"What for? I can see why you got mad. If my friend said all that crap without really explaining, I'd blow up too. And I realize you have a very busy life and are very stressed out right now"-  
  
"No. Don't say that. I was over reacting. I just wanted to tell you the truth." Ron whispered ever so quietly. Harry had to strain to hear him. "Harry, I believe you about the Devil. I've seen him too. I met him four years ago at a club..and ever since...I just didn't think he'd ever come back."  
  
There was complete silence. Harry's eyes slowly rolled over to glimpse at Lucifer. Lucifer was staring right at him.  
  
"Did he tell you about him and me?" The devil asked, needle and yarn still in his hands.  
  
"Yeah..why didn't you ever tell me that you had met Ron before?" Harry asked him. Lucifer shrugged.  
  
"Hello? Harry, are you still there?" A tiny voice said through the phone. Harry put it back up to his ear.  
  
"Yeah, I'm here. Well, you can tell me more about it later. But does that mean you are coming to hell with me?" There was a long pause.  
  
"I have been there before. I suppose I might as well pay it another visit." Ron said, laughing. Harry made a face.  
  
"Huh? What do you mean?"  
  
"Lucifer took me those four years ago. Just like he wants to take you now. It's a pretty interesting place, so I guess I'll go back."  
  
Harry scratched his head. "Um, okay Ron. We're leaving first thing tomorrow. I'll talk to you then." And Harry hung up without saying goodbye. He didn't want to say goodbye. This was all just too weird for him! His best friend had been to hell and he never even knew! He turned to Lucifer, who had finished knitting the sweater, and was admiring it.  
  
"So you and Ron used to be good buddies?" Harry asked calmly, raising an eyebrow. Lucifer looked up.  
  
"Yes...we were pretty close. But then things changed, and we went on to see other people..." Harry's mouth dropped. "- I mean, we uh, stopped being friends. And went on to be friends with others. Things just weren't working out." Lucifer added quickly. Harry stared at him.  
  
"What are you saying?" Harry asked, giving him a look. "Are you saying that you and Ron used to be like, lovers?"  
  
"That's not what I'm saying. And if you mention it ever again I'll have your throat. I can do that, you know." Lucifer got up from the couch and headed out of the living room. Harry soon heard footsteps going up the stairs.   
  
He sighed and fell down to the couch, thoughts buzzing about in his head. This was all so odd. He closed his eyes, and after a while, the crackling fireplace put him to sleep.  
  
* 


	10. Ready to Go, ST: PaperBoy

Harry Potter Meets Satan Chapter Ten  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I have J.K Rowling tied up under my stairs. Muah ha ha! She's my stupid bitch now!  
  
Apology: Yet again, I have deprived you all of more chapters. I am so busy it's not even funny. But now is the chapter you all have been waiting for. This is one of the most important chapter in the story: For they are about ready to go to Hell. Read and enjoy, you angry mob of Jewish Housecats! +lights a random reader on fire+  
  
~~  
  
Harry slowly opened his eyes as the sunlight streamed into his room. After this day, he would not see sunlight again for a very long time.  
  
"Oh, Harry! Rise and shine!" Satan chirped happily, walking into then room and opening up the blinds. Even more sunlight poured in and Harry's whole room was painted golden. Satan seemed in the best mood Harry had ever seen him in.  
  
"Let me lay here for a few more minutes." Harry said drowsily. He looked at the clock. It was eleven o' five.   
  
"Nuh uh, mister sleepy head! Remember what today is? You get to escort me, along with your dumb ass friends, back to my home! Then you get to stay and enjoy yourselves. I'm tellin' ya, Hell gets more vacation business than anywhere else." Satan walked over to the side of Harry's bed and began tugging at his arms, trying to yank him out of it.  
  
"Ahh! Stop! Lemme stay in just a few more hours! I was having a good dream!" Harry squirmed and kicked. In reality, he just didn't want to go to Hell. He had never planned on going in his whole life.   
  
Suddenly, Harry accidentally kicked Satan in the crotch. There was total silence, as Satan stood holding himself, stooped over, with his eyes crossed. Then he made a "Eee" noise and fell to the floor with a thump.  
  
~  
  
At breakfast, they had to eat quickly if they wanted to get a good start on the driving. Yes, to get to Hell you have to drive. And they were taking Satan's pimp-mobile. It was purple with pink flowers on it.  
  
At the moment Harry was cramming his face with as much food as he could get a hold of. He didn't know what kind of food Hell had, and he was afraid that he might never eat again. Satan waddled into the kitchen, pressing a bag of ice to his crotch and opened the refrigerator.  
  
"I see you've cleaned it out, Harry. You've eaten everything in sight this morning!" He closed the fridge and turned to him. "Have you packed?"  
  
"Mmhmm." Harry mumbled, his mouth full of pancakes. He kept chewing and crammed in more. Satan watched him with an eyebrow raised. Soon, the doorbell rang which made Harry jump and food spewed out of his mouth.  
  
"I'll get it!" Satan chimed, wiping off his hands on his apron and heading to the front door. Harry dropped his fork and streaked past him to get to it first. Harry unlocked the door and swung it open.   
  
"Good morning, Mister Potter." Said the paperboy, holding out a rolled up newspaper to Harry. Harry sighed. He had hoped that it had been Hermione or Ron. Satan soon appeared beside Harry and put a hand on Harry's shoulder.  
  
"Is it your little friends? Oh, why hello there little boy." Satan asked, peering. The paperboy saw Satan and started to hyperventilate. He fumbled with the paper and backed away, on the verge of tears. " Fine then, don't talk to me. I'll be taking that, you little brat." Satan grabbed the paper out of the little boy's hands, and the kid took off crying.  
  
"I think you should sort of not just walk out in public like it's normal. You're the Devil. You can't make conversation with my paperboy and stuff. I could get in trouble for having you at my house if that kid tells."-  
  
"Relax, Harry." Satan said calmly while closing the door. He put the newspaper down on a small coffee table beside it. "Only you see who I really am. To other people, you know, anybody else, I'm just Bill Clinton. You're the only person who sees me with my horns and tail and all." Satan walked away.  
  
"Well I wouldn't be able to tell the difference." Harry mumbled under his breath. "No wonder that kid was scared shitless." Harry followed Satan up the stairs. They walked into the bedroom where the suitcase was on the bed, packed full of clothes and ready to go.  
  
"We need to get all our things together. It's five minutes until we leave. If those ass-heads don't show up soon we're going without them. I had only planned to bring you along anyway." Satan picked up the suitcase off the bed and handed it to Harry. Then he stood waiting in the doorway. "Let's go."  
  
Harry turned and looked at his room one last time, and then turned to leave it for a long, long time. He would definitely miss this place.  
  
~ 


End file.
